I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
