My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
