i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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