If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
