just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
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I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Are we still banned from the library?
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You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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