i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
