Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
where are my eyebrows?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
