o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
