Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
