today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
