Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
