At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
