Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
