I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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