yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
