first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
