She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
do herpes really smell.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
