I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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