You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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