Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
