I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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