I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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