Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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