Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
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you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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