So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
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Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
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Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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