My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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