I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
