As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
