Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
