do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
