In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
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