i dedicated my morning wood to you.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
