since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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