pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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