yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I want to fling myself into the sun
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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