It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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