Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
