Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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