My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
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'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I could fuck to npr.
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All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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