I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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