Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
