and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
