It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
