last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This house was built for laser tag.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
