i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
