My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
