I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
