She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
