Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Randomize
