One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Sober January is a disaster.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
