You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm at about main and main street
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
