On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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