can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
