So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
