the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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