Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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