and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
