Jerry, you need to find god
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
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It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
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Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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