even my farts smell like vagina
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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